Lucky Love: A Lesbian Romance Page 9

  The players left one-by-one, patting me on the back. A few of them stayed and talked with Alice. The coach and Maria thanked me for my time, and I did all the things I was supposed to. I did that out-of-body thing where I watched myself interacting with everyone.

  Then everyone left and it was just me and Alice and Ronald. I couldn't deny what was there any longer.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ALICE

  "I have to drop a few things off in the shed—some extra uniforms and nets I've mended. But if you wait for me we can go to the diner or something for a bite to eat."

  "No," Lena said.

  I blinked, surprised. I thought I'd sensed us getting closer. Had I only imagined her protective hold on me as we rolled on the field? Maybe I was mistaken as I so often was in these situations. Hadn't I always found it better to hang back, to wait until it was more than obvious that these women wanted me? Or was that the reason I had been alone all these years, despite playing on a rugby team? Just saying.

  Still, I was disappointed. I leaned over and picked up a bag of balls and some other pieces of equipment.

  "I mean, I don't want to stay here, I want to help. I'll carry Ronald." Lena scooped him up, nuzzling her face in his neck. "You worthless little pug, you."

  I tried not to look at them together. Lena with her mussed hair and borrowed shirt hanging from her shoulders. Ronald with his tongue hanging out. I tried not to look at them because they were just too damned cute together, and Lena had a life elsewhere. If I started associating Ronald with Lena, we were going to have a problem when she left.

  So, as we walked to the shed, I focused on the line of maples along the edge of the field. Their leaves looked like fire, morphing from a yellow to a bright red. I'd been so busy with Lena and the antiques, I'd barely had a chance to notice the autumn change. I would have to do more of that.

  Not even the gorgeous trees could keep my mind occupied for long before coming back to Lena. What was she thinking? Was she imagining my body like I was hers? I could barely walk in a straight line. All I wanted was a touch of her shoulder on mine. That would be enough. For now.

  I resisted all the way to the shed. We arrived, I unlocked it, and slid inside.

  The smell of fresh grass and wood was overpowering. It reminded me of summer. Of fun. Lena followed me inside. I had to ask her how she felt. That was the adult thing to do. That was what I was supposed to do as a mature woman, right? Yes. I would simply... ask.

  When I turned to her, she had set Ronald in the corner and closed the door behind us. Her eyes lingered on me, sharp and perceptive. She had a handsome beauty about her, in the certainty with which she held her body—even in someone else's clothes.

  "Shit," she said, and she stepped toward me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed me on the lips.

  Stunned, I remained motionless for a moment. This isn't a mistake, my mind yelled. She's doing this on purpose. This couldn't be a mistake.

  Slowly, I relaxed, kissing her back. My hands stroked her back, pressed her body into mine. She felt thinner than she looked, and I had a sudden urge to feed her, but that would have to wait. Our kiss grew more urgent, our bodies pressing into one another. She tasted of salty sweat. The smells and the flavor of her twined through the earthy smells of the shed—this was the most romantic thing I had ever done. My hands moved into her hair as I pulled her closer.

  Lena moaned, breaking away and pressing her lips into that space between my collarbone and my neck. I threw my head back, struggling to catch my breath like I had run a marathon. I closed my eyes and let myself feel. Completely.

  She started to pull at the bottom of my shirt.

  "Wait," I said, out of breath. "Wait."

  With a groan, Lena pulled away. "I don't... I can't... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking if it was okay first."

  "You don't have to ask." I clutched her shirt in my fists and pulled her close. My mind blind with renewed need, my hands roamed over her back.

  Lena bit down on my lip, digging her fingers into my hair instead of my body. This was better. Yes, this was better.

  But it wasn't enough. I wanted more. I plunged my hands down her shorts. She didn't lose time. She did the same, holding my head with one hand and exploring my most secret parts with her other. Oh, my god, it was so hot. Every part of her body confirmed her need—for me.

  She kissed me hungrily. She moaned. She was so wet. Lord, oh, God, it was...

  Then I felt her inside me and all thoughts vanished. The goal posts were so close, and we were running faster and faster. I pulled her closer, hungrily sucking on her lips. I couldn't breathe—there was no time among the tangle of limbs and the dance of our bodies. In the moments we pulled away from kisses, Lena's breathing shortened, punctuated with moans.

  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I let myself go. I let myself feel, be carried away with her. A cry ripped from her lips and that was enough for me. Pleasure roared through me like a caged lion released. How had I gone... so... long?

  My awareness returned as Ronald whimpered at my feet. His eyes and his wrinkled face peered up at me from below as if to say, "Mommy, what is that lady doing to you?"

  I bent to him, if only to avoid looking at Lena. I could sense her, though, as she turned around and straightened out her clothes. Both of us struggled to calm our ragged breathing.

  My mind swirled with questions. What was next? What would happen? I'd avoided relationships for so long I didn't know how to navigate them anymore. I did the only thing I could think of doing. I put on my smile and turned toward Lena.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  LENA

  As soon as I saw her face I knew it had been a mistake. Alice couldn't compartmentalize this, of course she couldn't. She was Alice. While she tried to hide her feelings, they revealed themselves to me like words on a page. She was falling for me and that couldn't happen. We would never work together. It might seem like a good idea now, but I could play out how it would end. In a crashing burning mess. Just like it had with Tara. I couldn't do that again.

  I was almost thankful for the smile. It meant she was avoiding the post-coital conversation as much as I was. I scraped my mind for something to say. What did social graces dictate you say after sex in a shed? Hot sex in a shed.

  When we reached the field, Alice set Ronald on the ground.

  He was a safe subject. I folded my hands over my chest. "I'm surprised he didn't rip one out while we were in there."

  Alice's smile wobbled. "I really should get a second opinion on that. The vet said it was nothing, but it smells horrible, doesn't it?"

  "I've never had a dog before, so I wouldn't know."

  With that little exchange, we walked along the field and headed back toward Lois's house. No, toward Alice's house. The house rightfully belonged to Alice, and now, there would be no obstacle to it becoming hers. She did the time with Lois that no one in my family would bother to do, and Lois rewarded her for it. I could see why my grandmother had liked her, and it softened my view toward the old lady. Though that may have been the orgasm talking.

  As we walked along, the silence built like water behind a dam. I could sense something coming that I wanted to avoid. I tried to come up with things to talk about, but I had never been good at conversation. All potential topics flew from my mind.

  Alice stopped. "We can't have a relationship, right?"

  I tried to prevent a reaction from springing into my facial features. "I'm not going to be here forever."

  "You know, Gardner isn't that bad."

  "Ha. I beg to differ."

  "Well, if you don't like it here, there are some nice places in Worcester County. Or even Boston or the Northampton area, depending on what you're looking for."

  This was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid. I twisted toward her awkwardly. "My home is in San Francisco."

  "Of course." Alice's smile didn't reach her eyes, and I felt like we had mov
ed back in time. Back before Ronald disappeared. Back before we had gotten to know each other better.

  I decided I would go out on a limb and be truthful with her about what I was expecting. I had never tried that in a relationship, but maybe it would pan out this time. "I like you a lot."

  "I like you, too." Alice blushed under those adorable freckles, free of all makeup today.

  I felt the urge to reach out and take her hand, but that would be far too intimate for what I was about to say. "We both know there's an expiration date on this, right? But what if we just have fun for a little while. You know? What if we don't put a name on it, and do what feels right in the moment, and just ... make sure not to let our hearts get tangled in the process?"

  Alice's gaze tilted toward the sky. I didn't dare look at her for fear of what I would see. Was she one of those girls who freaked out after she had an orgasm? Who would cling to you like Velcro?

  "That sounds great," she said.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah." She shrugged, her wooden smile vanished. "It could be fun."

  "Yeah."

  "Yeah."

  We'd said "yeah" about seven too many times. But that was just how we were. A little awkward. A little juvenile, yet so adult in the way we were trying to handle this. Now I could pursue any kind of relationship with her without feeling a hint of jealousy because she would never be mine. If she could never be mine, then I couldn't feel jealous about it. This was my flaw in relationships, I knew it. I was heading it off. See? I could grow.

  No problem.

  ...

  ALICE

  It's amazing what a good orgasm and some clarity would do. After the game, I headed to the home Aunt Helen and I shared behind Antique Street. Aunt Helen was out visiting a friend that afternoon, so I had full range of the kitchen. Sure, I baked when I was angry, and I baked when I was sad. When I was happy, I baked even more.

  In between batches of muffins I did laundry—washing the clothes Lena had lent me—and checked on the store, which was closed Sunday evenings. As soon as Aunt Helen arrived home, I presented her with my new creation: pumpkin cinnamon bread cheesecake bites.

  She hesitated at the door, glancing over my shoulder. "You could perform surgery on that counter it's so clean. What's gotten into you?"

  Lena, I thought. I wasn't ready to tell her yet, though, so I handed her a treat. "Try this—I want to know what you think about it."

  Aunt Helen pushed inside. "I'll try it after I take my coat off, dear."

  I felt like I would burst from happiness. It didn't even matter that Lena was leaving, it was just nice to have someone now. Someone I could care about. Someone I could spend the night with. Someone with whom I could share jokes and watch TV.

  "What is going on with you?" Aunt Helen had removed her coat and stood with her arms crossed over her chest. How long had she been staring without me noticing?

  "Nothing." A smile pushed at my lips.

  "Where were you last night?"

  "It's a long story." I waved away her question.

  "I've got time." Aunt Helen lowered herself into a wooden kitchen chair. She picked up one of my culinary creations and took a bite.

  "Well? What do you think?"

  She chewed. "I think I'm not going to let you change the subject that easily. You've lived here almost six years and never spent a night away from home. What's going on?"

  My excitement almost boiled over. "I met someone."

  Aunt Helen looked up.

  I turned to the sink and picked up a pan drying in the rack. Though it only had a few drops on it, I gave it a good wipe-down with the towel. "It's nothing serious."

  "Are you seeing that Luck girl? What's her name... it starts with 'L.' They all start with 'L.'"

  "Lena."

  "Yes, Lena. I haven't seen much of her around, and her grandmother certainly was a pill."

  "Yes, well, Lena's not all that easy either, but I'm starting to see that there's more to her than what meets the eye. You were right. She puts up this tough facade, but she's so sweet and caring and kind..." I drifted off.

  "Are you two...?" Aunt Helen paused so long I twisted around. She waggled her eyebrows.

  "Aunt Helen!" I said. "I'm not talking about that with you."

  "Fine. I just know from your past experiences how that"—she lowered her chin and raised an eyebrow—"affects you."

  "I'm older now."

  "Of course."

  "Wiser."

  "Indeed."

  I opened the cabinet and slid the pan into its spot. I placed the towel back on the rack and leaned against the counter. "What do you mean? How does it affect me?"

  "When you fall for someone sometimes you start to doubt yourself. But you're right. You're older now, and you've grown so much. Maybe it won't happen this time."

  "Right."

  "Right."

  I flashed back to the moment in the shed when I wouldn't let Lena remove my shirt. That hadn't been me doubting myself, had it? It had been me exerting my power. Keeping pieces of myself for me. A specific piece of myself. "It's not that serious, anyway," I said, snapping from my daydream.

  "So you say." Aunt Helen picked up a cheesecake bite and nibbled at it.

  It was killing me she hadn't given me a verdict yet, but if I asked, she would just accuse me of avoiding the conversation again. "I'm not in love with her, if that's what you're worried about. She's leaving in a few weeks, as soon as we're done selling off all the things in the house."

  "What if she doesn't?"

  I dropped into the chair across from Aunt Helen and spread my arms out on the table. "Don't even tempt my mind with that thought."

  "It's all possible." Aunt Helen nibbled the pumpkin cheesecake again.

  Did she hate it? Was she nibbling at it so as not to be rude? Who nibbled a cheesecake bite? "You're killing me here."

  Aunt Helen acted like I hadn't just said something, raising her finger in the air. "The way I see it, from experience, love is a very hard thing to control. I just want to warn you not to lose yourself if it does happen to get serious."

  "Thank you, I appreciate it, but I don't need the warning."

  Aunt Helen shrugged and stuffed the rest of my treat in her mouth. She got up, brushed her hands and picked up another one from the plate. "These are wonderful, by the way. Your best creation yet."

  As she left the room, I found myself floating on a cloud of happiness. Lena was amazing, really. Caring and sweet and kind. She was exactly what I wanted, exactly what I needed. Sure, she was flawed, but weren't we all? Plus, she was so good with Ronald.

  It didn't worry me she wanted to keep it casual. That's what I wanted, too, because Aunt Helen was right. I did lose myself in love. I'd never tried anything "casual." Maybe this was the way I could keep myself to myself.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  LENA

  Monday morning, Alice showed up at eight sharp. She held a basket over one arm and Ronald in the other, but Ronald was uncharacteristically energetic and was slipping out of her grasp. Before he plummeted to the ground, I leaned forward and caught him up in my arms.

  In the process, I leaned close enough for Alice to catch my lips in a quick kiss. "Good morning," she said, pulling away.

  Were those stars in her eyes or was she loving to see me?

  "That was for helping me with Ronald, and I've got another surprise for you if you meet me in the kitchen." Alice bustled past me and disappeared behind the boudoir next to the path leading to the kitchen.

  I hadn't had my morning coffee yet, so speech wasn't coming all that easily. Not to mention, my eyes were seeing spots now, too. Alice dressed more outrageously than ever, wearing a red polka dot ruffled dress cinched at the waist with a huge bow. An actual bow, for heaven's sake. Layers of makeup hid her freckles and her true features. Not a hair was out of place on her head. She babbled as she walked into the kitchen. I followed behind her, though I didn't hear another word, focused on the swing of her hips in tha
t silly dress.

  As I entered the room, she shoved a mug into my hands filled with coffee from the pot I'd already brewed. "Do you take cream or sugar?"

  I shook my head.

  "Great. Do you want some breakfast? Eggs perhaps? Or an orange? I've got these pumpkin cinnamon bread cheesecake bites I made last night. Aunt Helen thinks they're the best I've ever made, but you may want to eat something more substantial before you put that much sugar in your body. I'm not saying you're fat—by any means—I actually think you could use a little meat on your bones. Well, not that I'm saying you're too thin either." Alice shook her head as if she could forcibly stop the stream of words coming from her mouth with the movement. "You're just right. I'm going to stop talking now."

  She turned from me and poured herself a cup of coffee—jury was out on whether she needed it though as she seemed energetic without it. I took the opportunity to take a sip of the bitter elixir and clear my mind a little.

  Had I managed one word since Alice arrived? I didn't think so, and I was okay to sit in my silence a little bit more to see how long Alice could last. She sat at the table, and almost instantly she jumped in again.

  "So, how are you feeling today?"

  I sighed, smiling. "Could we just not talk for a while? I'm not much of a morning person."

  "Sure, that's fine with me. No problem." She sat peering into her coffee as if it held the answers to all her questions.

  I leaned back in my chair and took another long swig of the warm liquid. If I tried, I could almost feel the caffeine waking different parts of me. It was starting to calm the seed of the headache I had as well.

  "Do you get the newspaper or something?" she asked.

  I shook my head.

  "I like to keep up on what's going on locally—"

  I shot her a glare and she stopped.

  "Sorry."

  "It's okay."

  Alice downed the rest of her coffee and got up. She cleaned her cup, then started scouring the counter. Where did she get all her energy?