Lucky Love: A Lesbian Romance Read online

  The sound of steps clomped up the stairs and down the hall toward me. I had lost so much time. My dress was still wet from the night before.

  When Lena knocked on the door, I practically jumped out of my skin I was so on edge. "One second," I called, peering in the clouded mirror. I looked bad, very bad, and if I was going to see neighbors that day to ask after Ronald I would have to find some makeup. Maybe I could borrow some.

  "You'll want to see this," Lena said, her voice rising slightly above its usual monotone.

  I stopped moving, and I heard it, a little whining wheeze.

  I ran to the door and flung it open. Lena held Ronald around his fat stomach. I scratched behind his ears and leaned forward. "Are you all right, buddy? Where did you go?"

  "Funny story, actually." Lena paused as she set him in my arms.

  Ronald happily licked my face. A laugh tore through me as I let him, then focused my attention on Lena. She was waiting patiently for me, beaming. Her body was all activity, jitters, and she gestured as she spoke.

  "I left early to print off some copies of a missing dog poster I made last night, and this kid came up to me and said his sister had brought in a dog the night before. I figured, could it be anyone but Ronald? So he was safe the whole time."

  My vision blurred with tears. "Thank you."

  "I didn't really do anything. I was just in the right place at the right—"

  Before she finished her sentence, I hugged her, wrapping my open arm around her and squeezing her tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

  Lena patted me on the back.

  I twisted my face around to kiss her on the cheek, but Lena twisted her face at the same time and our lips met. The meeting sent a shock-wave through me, a lightning bolt. This one kept me in place, my feet planted firmly. Here's the thing. Lena didn't move away either. In fact, she sucked on my bottom lip a little. This tiny give was enough for me. I moved my free hand to her shoulder.

  Then, a foul smell entered the space between us.

  I wrenched away, covering my mouth. "Oh, my God, I'm sorry."

  "Oh—holy—" Lena coughed through her laugh. "Let me tell you, I didn't miss that at all."

  I started coughing and laughing too, pulling my face as far away as I could from the offending creature. "At least you're not holding him. I think he's trying to gas us out."

  "Maybe he wants the house for himself."

  I leaned over and placed Ronald on the floor. He circled the spot three times and plopped down. I could sense Lena watching me, watching the dog, and became acutely aware of her gaze on my body. I crossed my arms over my bra-less chest and lifted my face to her.

  A goofy smile softened her. "I don't like many dogs, but this one—I think he knew what he was doing when he ran away."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Now I'm invested."

  I smiled, clasping my hands together and fluttering my eyebrows, letting the charm slide on. "Does that mean you'll dog sit for us?"

  "As long as you provide a gas mask as payment."

  "Deal."

  The dog gave us something to do and something to talk about, but he wasn't all that interesting. He fell asleep and started snoring and, if I knew Ronald, he would probably stay there for the next hour or two, and we weren't going to stand there and stare at him the whole time. Still, I was reluctant to be the one to break the silence.

  After a few moments, Lena cleared her throat. "Shall we get started?"

  I straightened my shoulders, stretching out a kink in my neck. "It's Sunday. I figured we'd take the day off. I have a rugby game this afternoon."

  "Oh," Lena said, glancing back into her room. "That's fine. I have some work I should do today."

  Should I invite her? Of course I should. Lena hadn't been out of the house in weeks, not really. Even an introvert could use company every once in a while, and she was probably sick of me by now. "One of my teammates is out today and we could really use an extra player. Is your ankle well enough for you to join us?"

  Lena ran a hand through her hair, which had grown a little shaggy since the day I met her. It could use a trim, I thought. Maybe I would bring my scissors the next time I came over.

  "I think... thanks for the offer... but I really think I should stay here and catch up on some work."

  "With your ex?"

  Lena's eyes rolled up. "We lost our investor."

  "I'm sorry."

  "It's okay.

  "Come to the game. You deserve a break," I said, giving it one more try. "You can just watch, if you like."

  Lena gave a quick snap of the head back and forth. It was definitive. She'd made her decision and I wouldn't be able to budge her no matter what I said.

  I nodded and drifted back into the bedroom she had let me borrow, or the bedroom that might be mine one day. In the light, it was dusty and old-fashioned. Somehow, it fit me.

  "Oh," I said, turning around to catch Lena in the same position I had left her. Her eyes flitted to my chest, then back up, but her face was unreadable. If she liked what she saw, she didn't show signs of pleasure. But she didn't turn away or sneer either. Ha. She hadn't seen me naked yet. At the thought, my cheeks flamed. "Can I borrow these clothes to wear home? My dress is holding water like it's PMSing."

  Lena nodded once. "Sure. Just bring them back. I didn't pack much."

  "Of course. I'll have them back to you tomorrow." I closed the door and leaned against it. We had kissed. We had kissed and then... we had ignored it. What did it all mean? I wasn't sure, but I found myself wanting it to happen again. Wanting it to go further.

  "Alice?" Lena's voice was close, as if she was whispering in my ear.

  I jumped, cleared my throat. "Yeah?" I answered with forced lightness.

  "I'll watch Ronald while you're at the game."

  "You're sure?"

  "Yeah." Lena paused. "He'll be good company while I work."

  "Sounds good."

  I listened, frozen, until Lena's footsteps moved into the room across the hall. Then I chuckled silently to myself. She was an odd one, that Lena.

  I liked it.

  ...

  LENA

  After Alice left, the house was remarkably quiet. There was a stillness to it when no one else was here. A haunted stillness, full of past memories of my time with Lois. Though I tried to fill my mind with the problems at hand—of which there were many—my memories wouldn't fade back where they belonged.

  You're not welcome here, I thought. Not right now.

  Having Ronald out in the hall did help. His rhythmic snoring was at least sign of another life in the house. Maybe I would have to get a dog when I went home. Sure, it would require walking and feeding and all that stuff. But maybe it would help stave off those darker moments, those moments where I would rather lock myself in a room than come out and face the world. Moments like this past summer—the time that started this whole mess with Alice and the house. If I could keep those darker moments away, maybe I could succeed where I had only failed before.

  I came up with a plan. A plan that would take me through launch. If I had a plan, I could execute it. First, I had to gather all the information and face what I had been ignoring for weeks. I navigated to my bank account and wrote down the four-figure number left there. I wrote down my monthly bills for things I wasn't using and figured out how long my money would last. I navigated to the account I used for the app as well, and found it close to zero again, as if there was a hole and money just leaked out. At this rate, I would run out of money in a few months. Even if I wanted to pay Tara I couldn't.

  Time was running out. It was a good app, the perfect habit tracker. It was only lagging because our team—me and Tara—weren't totally invested in it. It deserved better.

  I spent some time playing with the app, figuring out some new features and implementing them. By then it was almost one, and I was tired of waiting to talk to Tara about my new plan. I bit the bullet and called her.

  The phone rang a
nd rang, and just as I was getting ready to leave a message, a slurring voice answered.

  "Have you tried to contact Amelia Blake or Reesa Miller for a meeting?"

  "What? Lena?"

  "Blake or Miller, did you contact them yet?"

  "What time is it?"

  "It's ten in the morning."

  Tara groaned. "This isn't a good time," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper.

  "Just answer my question."

  Silence spread over the phone. "No, they're too high-up. We need to get investment from the real people. I've been thinking about a grassroots campaign, a Kickstarter or something."

  "We'd still need some big names for that."

  "I think we should talk about this another time."

  "I think we should talk about it now."

  Tara paused. "It's inappropriate for you call me on Sunday morning, Lena. Business partners or not, you're going to have to start respecting my boundaries."

  I bit my bottom lip. She always talked to me like this when it came to social graces, like I was a child who needed correcting. "Why? Do you have someone there?"

  "You chose to make that none of your business."

  "No, you chose that when you cheated on me."

  Tara sighed.

  "You do have someone there, don't you?"

  "You don't get to dictate who I have and don't have with me anymore. You did that for long enough. But yes, not that it's any of your business. I do have someone here."

  I dropped my forehead onto my palm. "Someone? Or... just someone?"

  "Someone," Tara said.

  I hung up. There was no point in staying on the line. If I had, we would just rehash our breakup, going over the same worn track again and again, creating our own circle of hell. I would ask her why she had cheated, she would tell me I drove her to it. The relationship had ended months ago, but my heart split open anew. She'd moved on, and where was I? Stuck in the past.

  Somewhere in the jumble of emotions, the kiss with Alice popped up. What did it mean? Would she want to do it again? Would I?

  I drew in a long breath, my mind tumbling down that path, gaining speed, until Ronald whined. He stood shakily, as if all his knees ached, and waddled in my direction. I had to launch out of my chair to intercept him before he crashed into a wall, and in that moment my mind was pulled away from Tara and the business and again I saw that I would have to find a dog when I got home.

  "Do you need to go out, boy?"

  He whined. I leaned over, picked him up, and brought him down the stairs. Before Alice had gone to her game, she'd left a pile of his things. I picked up his leash and a bag for refuse, and I led him outside and down the street.

  Now. If I were a rugby game, where would I be?

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ALICE

  Rugby was the only place where I could really be me, although I dressed for it in my own way as well. I wore my red hair in two long French braids and added some fake eyelashes to distract the other team. But there was no real way I had to comport myself. No rules of politeness. I didn't have to worry about being kind or considerate. I didn't have to mince my words. I could get dirty and not worry about it. In fact, on the rugby field, this was encouraged.

  The weather was gorgeous, refreshed after last night's storm, and the field was particularly muddy. I played the scrum-half position, like the quarterback in football, and I was pretty good. The other team was larger than us on the whole, and I played hard just to keep up, all thoughts of Lena, Aunt Helen, my parents, the house, the shop, vanishing from my mind.

  We had just finished a play when one of my teammates—Maria—elbowed me. She pointed off the field. "Who's the woman hiding behind that tree over there. Does she have Ronald?"

  I squinted in the general direction to see what looked like Lena's shaggy hair peeking out from behind the tree. As soon as she appeared, she disappeared again, but Ronald's butt hung out, wagging. I would know that butt anywhere. What was she doing here? And why was she hiding?

  "Can we call time out?" I asked.

  Before either of us could do so the next play began. My mind laser-focused on the task at hand and I dove into the ruck and located the ball. A woman tried to kick me, but I evaded her foot and pulled the ball out.

  "Behind and to your left, wide," a voice shouted.

  I shoveled the ball behind me. Another teammate caught it and she and the rest of the backs ran down the field. I jogged after them, keeping an eye on the ball. A few tosses left the ball in Maria's hand. She ran directly into a brick of a woman from the other team. Maria went down hard, others falling after her.

  I ran toward the cluster and started pulling women away one by one. Maria lay on the ground, holding her shoulder. Her breaths rattled through her teeth. "I think I pulled something in my shoulder."

  A teammate and I lifted her carefully and brought her to the sideline. We had exactly enough people to play a game, and this kind of thing would usually stop the game short. The other women in the group looked on as our coach, a doctor, pressed her fingers into the shoulder. "Doesn't seem broken. How much does it hurt?"

  Maria cringed with the movement. "It's fine."

  The coach narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing Maria's expression. "You're done," she said. "Let's notify the other team and pack it up, ladies."

  "Wait," I said. "We might have a replacement."

  "Ilsa isn't here today," Coach said.

  "Yeah, but I have a friend visiting from California who plays. She could probably slot into Maria's back position. I bet she would want to. Is anyone opposed?"

  The women shook their heads. If we forfeited the game, we were out with no chance to move on to the championships.

  "Great, I'll go get her." My cleats pounded the mud, splashing it up onto my bare legs. As I ran, I realized what I had done. Lena might not want to play. But if she didn't want to play, why was she here?

  She emerged from the tree holding Ronald and smiling sheepishly. "Gnarly play, there," she said, casually leaning on the trunk.

  "You came." My lungs burned with the effort of the game and the run.

  "Yeah, I figured it was too nice to stay inside. Your dog was bothering me, too. We both needed a walk and then I happened upon the field and decided to watch."

  This was the most I'd heard her speak in a long time. So this was how she acted when flustered. Chatty and awkward, just like me. "Why don't you come play with us?"

  "I couldn't. Really. I—"

  "Come on. You saw what happened there. We don't have any extra players. If you don't play, we can't finish the game and we won't move on to the championships."

  Lena tilted her head. Then she looked at Ronald. She wanted to play, she just needed all the excuses removed. "Maria, the woman who hurt herself on the last play, will look after Ronald."

  "I don't have any clothes."

  "I have an extra pair of shorts and a T-shirt in my bag."

  "Cleats?"

  "What size are you?"

  "Eight."

  "So is Maria."

  I could still see her waffling. I elbowed her. "Come on, you're not scared of a pair of dirty cleats, are you?"

  Lena stilled and met my eyes. "I'm not scared of anything."

  ...

  LENA

  I suited up, though I was distracted the whole time, still thinking of the thousand reasons I shouldn't participate in this. I didn't know these women. Every team had different plays. What if I re-injured myself? What if I liked it a little too much? As soon as we sprung to action, my mind stilled and I was present.

  Alice received the ball and shoveled it to another back in the formation who carried it most of the way down the field. I called to her that I was open, but she took one look and passed it back in the other direction to a woman who was blocked. The ball bounced to the ground and someone on the other team picked it up and ran.

  When the play ended I jogged to the woman who had possessed the ball. "I was open," I said.

&nbs
p; "Sorry," she said, but I knew what she was thinking. I would have been thinking it, too. She was thinking... I can't trust that woman. I don't even know her.

  Alice watched the exchange. She was always watching.

  During the next ruck, she jumped in and found her way out with the ball. She made eye contact with me for a split second, but I was behind one of the larger women from the other team. Alice ran into a hole in my direction and I did a fake-out and sprinted around the larger woman, who moved like molasses.

  "I'm open to your left," I called.

  Alice shoveled the ball toward me without hesitation. I caught it and ran forward. The refrigerator gained on my heels and another one of her teammates threatened from in front. An image of a Lena sandwich forced me to jump from in between them toward Alice. She had moved toward me too, dropping back.

  To your left, she said, her voice gravelly and sure. I shoveled the ball back and dropped behind her.

  Suddenly, Alice's body came crashing into me. My arms instinctively flung around her, protecting her as we fell together. We slammed into the ground and rolled, one over the other, two or three times. I held her tight. Time slowed. I could see her face, her eyes intent on mine. The ball was between us, Alice's leg between mine. As soon as we stopped rolling, I released her as I knew I had to.

  I got up. Our team regrouped around us.

  "You two all right?" a woman asked.

  Alice looked toward me expectantly.

  I nodded. "I'm fine."

  "Me too," she said quickly.

  But things had shifted between us. Something had sparked to life. A heat. An awareness. All those body parts touching had poured gas on a burning ember.

  Alice's eyes darkened, her lashes lowered.

  No, I couldn't be misunderstanding it.

  The game didn't last much longer. For that I was glad. My playing had deteriorated. I couldn't forget the look Alice had given me, or the kiss we had experienced in the hall. It was as if my mind combined the two experiences, wrapping them up into something much bigger.