Rocky Road Read online

  "So, it's official. Great." Billie stood from her chair. Without looking at me, she walked to the sliding door and opened it, stepped inside, and closed it behind her.

  Any momentary joy I may have felt melted away like a Popsicle in summer. We were official, but she hadn't even kissed me to seal the deal. She hadn't even smiled, not truly. I'd take a huge step and asked for a commitment I never would have made before Billie. It was amazing, really. A moment of growth.

  So why did I feel like the other shoe was about to drop?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  BILLIE

  Faking turned out to be harder than I thought and my ability to do it had taken a surprising nosedive when Krysta had asked me out. Like in the hospital, I had separated from my body. I had told her yes while thinking no because I'd known that asking had taken a lot of courage. More courage than the day where she stalked me across St. Petersburg. If I had said no, it would be a blow to her pride. Who knew what would happen then.

  So I'd said yes.

  Then I'd said yes when she'd asked to come to the Long Island Grand Prix qualification runs as my girlfriend. Thankfully, it wasn't much of a stretch to say that I was too busy to hang out and socialize. Also thankfully, she and Tanya didn't arrive until almost noon, which meant I had hours of blissful alone time without worrying. Sort of. My crew surrounded me, of course, but I was more focused than I had been in a long time. I felt strong. Ready. In command.

  Around three, Ed knocked on the door to the lounge. "Your social media person is looking for you," he said.

  I pulled my earbuds out of my ears, mentally removing myself from my loop around the track. "Can you tell her I'm busy?"

  "Sorry, not your butler," he said, letting the door close. "Don't linger."

  "Thanks," I muttered to myself. How had she gotten all the way in here without a pass? Knowing Krysta, she had talked someone into it, or found a way to sneak in. This time, I didn't so much appreciate her tenacity. I finished my mental loop around the track and stood, shaking the excess energy from my legs.

  As I crossed to the door, I tried to center myself. Be cool. Stay detached. You've got this.

  I opened the door to find Krysta sitting alone in her chair. My stomach immediately clenched. "Where's Tanya? Are you all right?"

  "I'm fine," Krysta said, rolling back and forth in her chair. "She distracted the guard back there when I made a run for it."

  I smiled, but only to cover the rush of feelings that had flooded me when I thought she was in trouble and to give myself a moment to put them back where they belonged. I folded my arms. "What's up?"

  Krysta shrugged. "Just saying hi. And messing with security."

  "Oh, well. I'm actually working on something really important right now." Inside, I flinched. My words were so dickish, and it wasn't like I didn't care for her at all. Just that I couldn't let myself care too much. I couldn't stay with her and let myself get all loose on the inside. I couldn't look at her too long or I would melt in a puddle right there.

  Then, she shrugged, her smiling echoing mine, never reaching her eyes. "I don't want to hold you back."

  "Great."

  "Good luck today, Billie."

  "Thanks." I turned away.

  "Billie?" she asked.

  Just then, I caught sight of my father walking toward us from the side of the trailer. He opened his arms wide and closed them around me. "Surprise, baby."

  I blinked, my arms remaining motionless at my side. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't come until tomorrow."

  "Turns out the septic installation went faster than planned. I figured I'd surprise you, check you out after that last run-in with the wall. Are you feeling well?" Dad pulled away, his eyes running all over my face.

  "Not even a scratch."

  "That's my girl." He rubbed my head like I was twelve.

  I had a great practice run yesterday, I wanted to say. You should have seen it. It was always like this with my father. I always wanted to proclaim my wins with him. See? I can do this.

  Before I could, Krysta cleared her throat. Damn it.

  "Dad," I said so it wouldn't get weird. I gestured to Krysta. "This is Krysta Ekert."

  Dad lifted his chin. "Ah, the social media maven. Ed told me about you."

  How much had Ed told him? Had he told him he'd walked in on us the blissful morning after? Or just that I had hired her? Why wasn't he angry? I hadn't exactly run the decision past him.

  Krysta smiled, leveling a gaze at me. Was it crazy to think it was a knowing gaze? "Former social media maven."

  "Oh, yeah?" Dad smiled his sweet charming smile. He was always like this with other people. No one knew any other of his many sides except his closest family. "That's too bad. You've done some great work."

  Krysta folded her hands in her lap. "We're actually dating now."

  All the many noises of the track stopped as the words hung in the air. I sent a glare to Krysta. It wasn't her business to tell. It was mine. This was my family. My heart drummed in my chest. My fists clenched. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from lashing out and watched for Dad's reaction like a hawk.

  "That's lovely," he said.

  He didn't mean it. He couldn't. He had always said you can either be in the race or out of the race, not both. To him that meant that anything that wasn't racing worked against racing. But in the moments that followed, he didn't betray his true thoughts if he had any that differed from what he had said.

  What if he was okay with it? I found myself thinking. As my breath shortened, I realized I couldn't dive in to that before a race. It would be a Pandora's box of thoughts and emotions to untangle. I didn't have time for untangling. Post accident, I had more to prove than ever.

  "How about I take Krysta to our seats and you can get back to your prep? Does that sound okay with you?" Dad asked.

  "Yeah, thanks," I said. As I met Krysta's dark eyes and her darkening gaze, my memory flashed to a random vision. I was in the hospital, standing outside of Krysta's door, listening to her parents plan her future. I had been so incensed then that they had dared talk about her like she wasn't there. She had deserved better than that.

  I lifted my fingers into a wave and offered her a smile to assuage the rising guilt. She said nothing as she twisted around in her chair and pushed herself toward the grandstands. As I watched her roll away, my father chatting with her amiably, my throat tightened.

  When I had defended her in the hospital, I never imagined we end up here.

  No matter how much I denied it, this was not where I wanted to be, but it was the only place I could imagine.

  ...

  KRYSTA

  Tanya joined us at the entrance to the paddock and walked along with us to our seats. After introductions, she and Peter talked about the weather and the ocean and Florida. I lost track after a while. Thankfully, they didn't seem to mind. We stopped at a concession stand for food.

  "Want anything?" Tanya asked.

  The truth. "No, thanks," I said.

  Tanya turned away, leaving me to my thoughts. Ever since Billie and I had made things official, I'd sensed something off with her. I'd thought I'd been making it up, but the Billie I had fallen in love with was not the Billie I had just seen outside the transporter. She had never made me feel like I was invisible before.

  What was going on with her?

  Tanya helped me navigate over some cords as we made our way to our seats. No matter what path I took in my mind, it didn't make sense. Why would Billie pull away like that? What had I done?

  Our seats were level to the ground and right off the pit.

  As we settled in, Peter turned to me and jerked his chin toward my air casts. "That's quite a fashion statement you have going on there. Where did you get those? Famous Footwear?"

  "You know what?" Tanya said, digging in the bag hanging off the back of my chair. "I think I left my lemonade back at the concession stand. Figures—that's what I went for and I pick up the popcorn and
forget the drink. I'll be right back. You good Krysta? Peter?"

  We both said yes and she left.

  I stretched my arms towards my boots, the action relieving the pain in my lower back and doing nothing to relieve the tension in my chest. What had he asked? Oh, yes. About my boots. "I got hit by a car."

  Peter sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Were you driving?"

  "No, I was a pedestrian."

  "And when did you meet Billie again?"

  The day had remained untainted in my memory for so long. What was funny was that it wasn't the accident that had tainted it, it was the way Billie was treating me now. It cast a shadow over everything. "About a month ago at her race in St. Petersburg."

  "I see," Peter said. "And how did you meet?"

  Why did he want to know so much detail? Was he only making conversation? I eyed him with a new curiosity. Billie had barely told me anything about him. "I asked her out on a date."

  His bushy silver eyebrows raised. "You must have been very persuasive to land yourself here."

  What was he getting at? Did he think I had manipulated her in some way? "I guess so," I said, folding my arms in my lap.

  "Do you have any experience with racing?"

  I wished Tanya would come back already, insert herself as the buffer between us. This was getting to feel like an interview or something. I tried to smile. It was an interview I would have to pass if I was going to make it work with Billie. "Just what I've learned watching and listening to Billie."

  "Funny that she hired you then. Must have been your good looks. She does like her pretty girls."

  My gaze shot to the side of Peter's head. He leaned back as if he was talking about the weather. The nerve of this man. Did he seriously just say that? My stomach rolled with butterflies, but the kind that spurred me forward rather than held me back. "I have experience with social media."

  "Of course."

  "And we were sure to separate the two roles once we realized we should be together."

  "We? Or Billie?"

  Peter turned his piercing gaze my way. He had the same eyes as Krysta, but aged, more creased with laugh lines. These lines squeezed together now as he squinted at me. Laugh lines. Try squinting lines. Get some glasses, I thought.

  Then my mind went to Billie. She had decided I should only do one role. At the time it had been difficult, but it seemed right.

  "Well?" Peter asked.

  "It was Billie."

  "Seems odd, doesn't it?"

  I swallowed. "Why do you say that?"

  "Well, she dated her mechanic in college for years and had no problem mixing the two."

  This was different, my mind yelled. This was now. This was the big time. "Maybe that's why they're not together anymore. Maybe she learned her lesson."

  "Hm." Peter shrugged, wringing his shoulders up to his ears. "Maybe. Or…"

  Or what? Sure, he had known Krysta longer, but that didn't mean he knew her better. Was he playing me? He had to be, dropping off like that. I could decide to rise above, to not give in. I could decide to be the bigger person.

  "Or what?" I said, the words bursting out of me.

  "Honestly?"

  "Yes," I said.

  He met my gaze again. "I don't see the attraction on her end."

  Punch to the gut. No, an explosion. My stomach felt like it was in pieces and plastered to my insides. Once I calmed down, I started to see. He was playing me. Now, I just had to avoid his punches. To do that, I stopped talking to him.

  The cars were starting to come out on the track. He leaned over to me as if he hadn't just uttered those last words. "Billie's number six. She'll race three times in a row to decide her positioning."

  I offered a noncommittal nod which was the best he was going to get from me.

  "This must be a difficult time for you. With your accident. It's also very challenging to be the loved one of a racer."

  This time I blatantly ignored him. The hot sun beat down on me. I wished I had brought a hat. At least that would have helped hide in that moment. Where the hell was Tanya when I needed her?

  "It's so hard to remain stoic through it all. If you two have a fight or if you mess with her mind too much, there's always the chance that she'll lose her concentration. It could be fatal. I don't know about you, but I couldn't live with myself if something bad happened to her."

  I clenched my teeth hard, but I couldn't help a retort slipping through. "I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her safety or her career."

  He gestured toward the track. "She's dreamed of this since she was a child. She has what it takes to be a champion if she doesn't let her mind get in the way."

  I didn't answer this. I could hear what he was saying. She has the chance, but someone like me could ruin it. This was a game—he was playing a game with me.

  But…

  But he was also right. Oh, my God. She was just with me because she felt bad for me. It was so clear now, the only explanation for her actions, her distance, her noncommittal commitment.

  My chest fluttered like a bird's, my heart was beating so hard. I could barely manage to suck in a quick sip of the exhaust-laden air. The worst thing was I couldn't run from this. I was trapped here with Peter until Tanya came back.

  "Are you feeling okay?" Peter asked.

  "I'm actually…" I pressed a hand to my head. "Feeling a little dizzy."

  Shit. I was in full view of Billie if she happened to look, and if she did, would she quit the race to come help me? Of course she would. She had jeopardized her career before when I had been trapped in the transporter lounge alone. And I couldn't do that to her. Especially if she was just doing all this because she felt bad for me.

  "I need to go," I said, rolling away from him.

  "Now?" Peter asked, with real or feigned surprise I couldn't tell.

  "Yes, now."

  I couldn't breathe. I needed fresh air. I needed to think. My hands ached as I rolled as fast I could out of there.

  Tanya met me near the gate, jumping right in to a story about her lost lemonade like it was some great adventure.

  I didn't wait for her to finish. I reached out for her hand and squeezed it tight. She stopped talking.

  "We need to go, now," I said, my voice low and covered by the cars rushing by. If I didn't get out of there, there was a chance I would leave all my stomach contents on the ground. I needed to escape with some of my dignity intact.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  BILLIE

  I had the fastest lap in qualification.

  I had the fastest lap in qualification.

  Joy and adrenaline coursed through me as I stepped out of my car, fist high in the air. I had done it. It had to be a record of some sort. Even if it wasn't it proved I wasn't only fast for a girl, but the fastest. Period. Amanda was there, and so was Ed, and my father was there, too. He gave me a quick hug and pulled away. I couldn't seem to find the person I most wanted to tell. Krysta. I wanted to celebrate with her.

  "That was the most spectacular run I've ever seen. Flawless," he said.

  "Thanks, Dad." I peered over his shoulder. "Where did Krysta go? Is she on a bathroom break or something?"

  Dad's mouth pushed into a thin line.

  I ran a hand through my hair, not letting my body react before I had enough information. "Where is she?"

  "She left."

  The eggs I had for breakfast turned in my stomach and I swore my heart skipped a beat. Neither emotion worked for the track, for what I needed for my next run. "Where's she going?"

  Dad jerked his chin over my shoulder, his eyes never meeting mine. "You better get back to your car. The next segment is starting soon."

  "Don't change the subject, Dad."

  "Focus on your race. Focus on getting the pole position. This is your year, baby."

  "I'm not getting back into that car if you don't tell me where she is." The moment I said it, I knew I was serious. What if something had happened to her and I raced my car because
I was supposed to and I couldn't be with her when she needed me? Why hadn't I just given her something, anything before I started racing? "Are you holding something back from me? Is she okay?"

  He glanced toward my car, not meeting my eyes. "She's fine. She couldn't take the heat."

  "What are you talking about?" It felt like he was speaking another language.

  "You really better go now. I told you what you wanted to know."

  "Dad, if you don't tell me what's going on and why she left, I'm going to walk out of here right now and not get in that car."

  "Don't be ridiculous," he hissed. "You know you're not going to do that. Stop acting like a child. Some people just can't tolerate the risk. That's all, Billie." His tone was a period. It left no room for argument. As I stared at him, his face softened. "She got overwhelmed and she left."

  "What else did she say?" There had to be something else.

  "I don't know… I got the sense she didn't want to be overshadowed by you."

  "What?"

  "Billie, time to go." Ed's voice soared through the air to reach my ears.

  I closed my eyes. I was so fucking tired of being ordered around by men. "Just give me a second."

  I took a deep breath and let it out. She was okay, that was the biggest thing. But she had left. Why? I turned and walked back to my car. Was it because she was worried about me? She knew getting into all this that my job was dangerous. Plus, it wasn't even that bad. It wasn't like I was skydiving. I was just driving. I had complete control of the car. Everything was made for maximum safety.

  These thoughts punctuated my mind as I slid into my car, as my body conformed to the seat, as I settled the helmet over my head and neck, and as someone belted me in. Even then I couldn't understand why she had left.

  Was it something I had done? The thought of that carved a hole in my chest through which all the air in my lungs seeped out. Had she left because I hadn't been all lovey dovey with her one morning? On a work day?